hi, my parents named me after the goddess of victory

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dialupmodem:

troyesivan:

is it morally okay to pray that your crush’s relationship doesn’t work out

no stop bein a salty asshole

👽👽

lifeinflames:

when your friend makes a thirsty comment

image

me as a parent

boytoynamedtroy:

my kid: whats for dinner

me: THIS FAT ASSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

me: *does split on the kitchen table*

My heart is so tired.
Markus Zusak, The Book Thief (via uglypnis) ←

thebest-memes:

"No matter how bad you fuck up at work, you didn’t fucked up this bad"

vinebox:

White people in scary movies be like…

where are the lies

bombing:

noseblow:

bombing:

i’m on a seafood diet. i only eat seafood

that’s not how the joke goes lmao

do my weight loss goals seem like a fucking joke to you

When people say ‘This is my baby,’ they don’t always mean a baby. Sometimes they mean a dog.
A Somali student, on what has surprised her most about the United States. (via africandogontheprairie) ←

Grab the Monet and let’s Gogh
Art thieves in a bank robbery (via bethearts) ←

motherfuckingdragonsyo:

I made an old lady blush today at work because she ordered two senior coffees and I said “SENIOR ? I’m sorry miss, i’m going to have to ask to see some ID.” and she covered her mouth and went “Oh dear me” and couldn’t stop smiling

lordemusic:

david:

Twinsies!?!

dudes i met our leader